Over the Edge
by Pulsar
Summary: Freya's thoughts after Cleyra in Disc Two...contains some spoilers if you haven't played the game up to after that point.


I don't own Final Fantasy IX or any of its characters. Okay, this fanfic is done entirely from the viewpoint of one of my favorite characters in FF9: Freya. My favorite two characters are actually Vivi and Freya, but since there are already quite a few fanfics that focus on the little Chibi-Black Mage, and only about two based on Freya, I thought I'd do a story from her POV first. This is a rather dark story based on the events in Cleyra on Disc 2; if you haven't gotten past Cleyra, then you should probably back out now, since this contains big spoilers for that point in the game. You have been warned… At any rate, this scene really stuck in my mind, mainly because it nearly shocked me to death when I saw it, so I attempted to do it some justice in a fanfic here. Any comments on this, positive or negative, are welcome.

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I never dreamed it would end like this.

When I told Vivi that I highly doubted that I would ever return to Cleyra, I didn't realize how correct I was. I thought I meant that I would not return because my heart would not be able to bear it. I had no idea it would be because I simply could not…

So I left, following Zidane into the Black Mage's light, not planning to come back, not knowing that I was correct in that assumption.

Then it happened.

I saw it all clearly from the safety of that damned energy ball. I could do nothing to stop it.

A portal black as midnight tore open the sky, and its shadow fell over Cleyra. That…that creature, that…eidolon. A gigantic, towering soldier, riding on the back of that demon horse, emerged from the darkness, galloping through the air. As I watched, helpless, he…it…turned, dark eyes fixing on Cleyra…

Of course I knew what was going to happen next. I think I might have known even before I followed Zidane. Only I didn't want to admit it to myself. I couldn't admit it to myself, because I had already realized that there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I couldn't do anything.

I needed to do something.

__

I should have done something!

The eidolon rose into the air, higher, higher, his shadow spreading like a dark stain beneath him, a stain which soon reached out to envelop Cleyra…

__

…No, no…

Raising one gauntlet-clad arm, letting the wickedly barbed spear in his hand catch the light of the sun, which reflected off of its smooth metal surface with a cold glare…

__

…No, no, no…

Then, with a quick flick of his wrist, the glowing shaft went lancing down, slowly and inexorably, burying itself up to its hilt in the center of the Lifetree…

__

…No, no, no, no, NO!

Then the world shattered.

Cleyra…

Burmecia…

Fratley…

"Freya…I think Zidane's calling for us."

"Please…leave me alone…"

What am I saying? I have my entire life to be alone now. All of my people, the ones who had not been killed in Burmecia, were in Cleyra at the time it exploded…all, minus one…

Through misty eyes, a haze caused by the tears I cannot allow to fall, I gaze over the railing at the smoking ruins of my world, my everything. An overwhelming longing fills my empty heart, begging me to go to them, to join my people in death.

It is so simple; a crude wood railing is all that bars my way, one that I could easily clear with a single jump. Haven't I always been a good jumper? Could I not easily make that single, easy leap and end this suffering, end it right now, at this moment, and join my family, my friends, my people?

I stand, ready, and start to move toward the edge, over the edge, but a slight tug on my cloak stops me. Looking down, I see a pair of glowing amber eyes gaze up at me questioningly from under an oversized mage's hat. The little boy, who bears more than a passing resemblance to the accursed Black Mages who aided in the destruction of both Burmecia and Cleyra, looks up at me, those strange yellow eyes filled with both curiosity and concern…concern for me…

I cannot do it.

I cannot take this path out, no matter how much my aching heart shrieks at me to do so. Not this way, not in front of this child, in front of Vivi. Despite my little time with him, I already know that he places a high value on life, both his and those of others, not like the mindless creatures that rampaged through the streets screaming "KILL!"

I still want to jump, to join my people in their fate, but at the same moment, a voice in the back of my mind asks a question I cannot answer; _How will this child react, this boy that values life and living more highly than anything, if he sees me fling myself to willing death?_

He tugs on my cloak again, and this time, I react, allowing him to lead me back away from the railing. His wide amber eyes remain locked on my face, curious, worried, and I wonder if he realizes that he may have just saved my life. Does he even realize what I was going to do?

Zidane comes running back, his wide sapphire eyes filled with concern, although not for me. He was off scouting the area, I doubt he even suspects that anything might have happened to us during the brief time he was gone. He waves frantically for us to follow us, urging us to follow him.

"We have to get behind the stairs! Someone's coming!"

Vivi finally releases my cloak and hurries over to him, nearly tripping over his oversized robes in the process. I can only follow, though it takes a tremendous force of will to make myself go after them when part of me still longs to go back, to join my people…Yet I do follow, condemning myself to a life alone, simply because I cannot bring myself to do what I long to do in front of my friends. I cannot…will not subject them to any more suffering than they already must bear simply for my own gain.

As I crouch behind the stairway, joining my friends as they wait with bated breath for the soldiers that are pounding ever closer to arrive, a strange thought suddenly pops into my mind, causing a small, ironic smirk to briefly twist my lips as one of the tears I have been fighting finally manages to trickle out of my unwilling eye…

…Did not the word 'Vivi'…mean 'life' in one of the ancient languages?


End file.
